I'm turning into a ghost

Written on day 55 of my summer retreat, 2008

Kyema! Kye Ho!

My Lord father guru,

Wherever you are, form or formless,

Please grace your daughter with your winds of love and comfort,

To give me Hope.

Kyema! Kyeho!

My Saviour is gone.

Instead of being strong,

I fall prey to weakness,

I am turning into a ghost!

Kyema! Kyeho!

My Refuge is gone.

Instead of being diligent,

I fall prey to laziness,

I am turning into a ghost!

Kyema! Kyeho!

My Protector is gone.

Instead of being persistent,

I fall prey to quitting,

I am turning into a ghost.

Kyema! Kyeho!

My Guru had dissolved into the sky.

Instead of mingling with his sky-like mind,

I fall prey to confusion & dullness.

I am turning into a ghost.

Kymema! Kyeho!

My only Hope had gone.

Instead of praying with faith,

I fall prey to ego's tricks.

I am turning into a Ghost.

Kyema! Kheho!

The Sun had set on me.

Instead of praticing Dharma,

I'm welcoming the lord of Death.

I am turning into a Ghost.

Oh Lord Father, root Guru of immeasurable compassion,

Please take pity of this hopeless ghost and shine on her!
Melt away her confused delusion,

Warm her cold heart with your soothing Great Love.

Please I beg you to watch over me and those like me,
just like a mother does to her crying infant.

I do not wish to be a ghost!

With longing from Yachenma

要提筆寫呼喚您回來的信

只叫我拿着淚如泉湧的紙

昔日與您共渡的歡笑

是今天記憶中的傷痕

破戒在前方

懶惰伴左右

五毒常在心

愚痴隨着走

是我這些年來的朋友教我

如何有資格迎請您回來

只可哀求您憐憫我,痛惜我

早點回來看看昔日寵壞的我

Thank you for each day you gave us from Yachenma, Norgyunma and me

Rinpochela- We bow to you and through this song we want to say we are so very very very grateful for each day you gave us, we don't know much but we know we are so blessed to be loved by you and to be graced by your precious n rare presence, as rare as stars in the daylight. RINPOCHE BEH KA-DRIN CHEN-PO, SHE-DAK TU CHI CHE. Thank you Rinpohe for great kindess and love for us.

We miss you dearly, deeply, madly. We long for your blessings and love and wisdom mind. Please forsake us not, your servants and children in the blue southern continent. TEN GI DU Rinpochel-la.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvou2XxB5Cs (choose 'open in new tab' to listen if you don't leave this page)

"For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am Because you loved me
I'm everything I am Because you loved me"

Nothing's gonna stop us now

Rinpoche-la, I bow to you. I was having lunch one day alone in a japanese restaurant, then this song was playing and suddenly, in a brief moment of clarity, I felt your blessings, I know you are telling me you are here with us, whenever we call you to mind, you are here, and even if this world runs of lovers, we still have each other, nothing's gonna stop us....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?hl=en&v=UBoQvhzeeCY&gl=HK
(please click to open in a new tab if you dont want to leave here)

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I found is too good to be true
Standing here beside you, want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you
Let 'em say we're crazy, don't care 'bout that
Put your hand in my hand baby, don't ever look backLet the world around us just fall apart
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now
I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes, I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do
Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby, don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each otherNothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us
Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need And all that I want to do Is hold you forever, forever and ever
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us Woh oh oh-oh-oh Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now
Hey babyAnd we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now

50 years in Exile

Dear Rinpoche-la

Today on planet earth, we are remembering the trials and tribulations of the Tibetan struggle for freedom. 50 years ago today, you too fled from your seat at Nalanda Monastery, central Tibet to Mustang. Its also the last day of Losar today.

No day passes without remembering you and your kindness, no day passes without heart-felt longing for to see your brillaint face, no day passes without prayers for your swift return in the southern blue sky continent, especially in this state of crisis we are facing today.

Honestly, I try my best to practice your teachings. Sometimes I do well,sometimes ok and sometimes not so well. Every moment is a chance to see our essence, every moment It is there, every moment you are there.

Please grace us with light and hope and quickly return in bodily form as per your sacred vow.

Yours truly, deeply and madly

Konchok Choedon.

Kuji, Kuji, Kuji, Messenger please...

Spontaneously arose from the longing for Guru in my Summer retreat 31 July 2008

My precious Root Guru, Ngawang Khrenrab Lekshey Gyatso, I bow to you.
Can you please send a messenger so we know if there is sky where you are, and if so, what colour is your sky?
Can you please send a messenger so that we know if there is day and night where you are?
Can you please send a messenger so we know the name of your place?
Can you please send a messenger so we know you are blessing us with your wisdom mind and embracing us with your endless love?
Can you please send a messenger, perhaps sister Gold, so there'll always be land for crops and a place called home where we can rest our foolish tired mind? Here where we are, our sky is blue, she is yellow in colour and we label her Earth.

Can you please send a messenger perhaps sister Diamond, so that there'll always be rain relieving us of draught and quenching our thirst for liberation? Here, we have day and night, she is white in colour and we label her Water.

Can you please send a messenger perhaps sister Ruby, so that there'll always be warmth in the winter and the heat of tummo will bring us dakini dancing in uma? Here, our place is called Jampudiva, she is red in colour and we label her Fire.

Can you please send a messenger perhaps sister Emerald, so that there'll always be pleasing breeze on a hot summer night and the damaru sound of blissful emptiness can be heard. Here, she is green in colour and we label her Air.

Can you please send a messenger perhaps sister Sapphire , so that there'll always be ample space for trees to grow and our heart have room to dance again. Here, she is blue in colour and we label her Space.

Can you please send a messenger perhaps perhaps perhaps? Kuji! Kuji! Kuji! So that we know you will never forsake us and you will always love us - because from the beginning which never really arose, we were one and will always be.

Sky Letter

Letter from my heart to root guru, His Eminence Chogye Trichen Rinpoche, Ngawang Khenrab Lekshey Gyaltso dated 6 May 2007

My most beloved and precious heart father and root guru,
Through your perfect wisdom, you see things as they are,
Through your great compassion, you embrace all beings as your children,
Through your omniscient power, you uphold the precious Dharma,Through your boundless kindness, you reveal the path to liberation,

Perfect and precious root guru, I bow at your lotus feet.
I have been requested by Lama Choedak Rinpoche in Australia to write an eulogy in your memory. I am writing simply and sincerely from my heart as an offering to you. I am sending this letter to the expanse of Dharmakaya, to the boundless blue sky, I beg you, out of your compassion, please regard me from your state of non-arising, non-abiding, non-ceasing empty luminosity.
In this life, my greatest blessing is to have the fortune to meet you and to serve you as your servant. Out of your great kindness and compassion, you have cared for me like a father cares for his only child, you have ripened my mind stream with empowerments, and given me priceless oral instructions. In short, you are my only hope to liberation.
Now, even my only hope, the glorious king of Dharma, have dissolved his bodily form into the space of Dharmakaya. I am left without hope. I cherish your every gesture, expression and instruction and I am trying to be strong, to continue to live and practice your teachings but do you know Rinpoche, in the moments of weakness and breakdown, life seems so futile, so difficult and so hopeless without you. Without you, there is no sun, no moon, no sky, and no earth. No cherry blossoms in the spring, no harvest in the summer, no falling leaves in the autumn and no snow in the winter. No music in my ears, no sparkle in my eyes, and no space in my mind. What remains now is only day without sunshine, night without moonlight, coldness in the bitter winter, a living hell on earth. Without you, there is only a dark aeon.
When I think of this precious human rebirth but yet my laziness to practice dharma, I think of you.
When I think of impermanence and the law of karma and all pitiful beings trapped within this nightmare, I think of you.
When I think of all my mother sentient beings drowning in the ocean of samsara, I feel their pain and suffering in my heart, I think of you.
When I experience the ripening of my negative karma caused by my own ignorance and confusion, I think of you.
When I think of death, my body burning into ashes, my lonely soul lost in the bardo, I think of you.
When I think of how my desire drives me to worthless worldly pursuits, I think of you.
When I think of how my anger brings me to the tortures of cold and hot hells, I think of you.
When I think of how my ignorance keeps me from seeing things as they are, I think of you.
When I think of how my life is akin to a light feather tossed helplessly in the wind of karma, I think of you.
When I think of how I am enslaved by my own deluded mind, I think of you.
When I think of how endless beads of thoughts obscure me from seeing the nature of my own mind, I think of you.
When I think of how I am an orphan without you, blind, crippled and doomed, I think of you.
Oh my kind heart father, I am calling for you from the depths of my heart and with tears in my eyes. Please think of me for just one single moment? Your great kindness and compassion to me and others of equal fortune is vast and infinite and even if I were to fill the three worlds with gold, I can never repay your kindness fully. I am forever indebted to you. Please have mercy on me and all hopeless beings. Just as a mother cannot bear to leave her newly born child without food, shelter and protection for even one second, please out of your great compassion and in order to uphold your boddhicitta vow, do not abide continuously in Dharmakaya but instead swiftly return to this world to shower us with the rain of your blessings and teachings, to physically lead us on the journey to liberation and to care for us like a father cares for his only child. Life after life, I vow to be your servant, serving you with my life. Please may we meet again and again life after life until the moment of re-union with mother luminosity. Even then, may you always sit on the lotus on my head as the ultimate lord of the family.

Your sinful daughter and servant
Konchok Choedon.
6 May 2007
Jardines Lookout,
Hong Kong